Kono Tsumibukaki yoru ni-Chapter 10-Part 2

Just one more part to go, and this novel will be finished!(sort of-I haven’t translated the second short story in the book, but if nothing else I’ll summarise it in another post). I’m still reading the final book in the series, but my family has been visiting so I’m still trying to finish it, and I really want to know what happens next!

So, after this, there’s one more post, which will be around the end of May, but after that it might be some time before I can resume posting with Setsunasa wa yoru no biyaku(Michitaka’s story)…I’ll be finishing up in my current job, moving(still staying in Japan though), starting a new job so things will be pretty hectic for me until probably September…

Chapter 10-Part 2

At first Kunitaka worried about being in the public eye, but, he felt, if they were going to do this, he might as well enjoy it, and just like a child, he enjoyed the day off.

When he finally returned to Tokyo, what judgement awaited was unknown. Forgetting all such concerns, he wanted to etch this time spent with Ryouichirou on his heart. Just by exploring the streets, overflowing with an exotic atmosphere, Kunitaka was happy.

He wished time could stop still.

“Lastly, there’s a place I’d like to go, if you don’t mind?” Ryouichirou had announced, before they searched for an inn.

“Where?”

“The port.”

If it’s the port, we can go there tomorrow, Kunitaka swallowed his words down.

They had talked of trifling things, and walked aimlessly around, and this would be the last.

“Let’s hurry.” Ryouichirou was suddenly conscious of time, pulling Kunitaka along in his insistence to hurry.

“The port…it’s just warehouses right? What else could there possibly be?”

Ryouichirou took him down a street of rundown warehouses, there was no one in sight. At the dead end of an alley, it was difficult to even make out each other’s faces in the unreliable streetlight.

The salt smell of the sea thrilled his nose.

Kunitaka remembered his doubts, and steadily stared at Ryouichirou’s back.

“Ryou?”

“Let’s quit playing around already.”

These unexpected words poured over Kunitaka from Ryouichirou, who had turned to face him.

“What…?”

“For your sake, I spent the day together with you. Isn’t that already plenty?”

Kunitaka couldn’t form an answer.

“Master Kunitaka, I can’t find any reason for you to be so fixated on my life. I, by my own will, joined the socialist movement. Whether I live or die has nothing to do with you.”

“No. You can’t die.”

Even if it was for his own sake, Ryouichirou’s death was out of the question. Kunitaka argued vehemently, just like a helpless child.

“Our group was not a radical one, I won’t die so easily.”

“Like hell you understand! If you stay in this country, sooner or later you will be killed.” Even if he argued like this, it may not have any effect. However, he wanted Ryouichirou to live.

“I’m not afraid of death. I can resign myself to the fact.”

“I can’t! I have no intention of seeing you die!”

“By sacrificing yourself, I would live on…are you saying such cruel things to me?” His voice held a strong tone of blame. “Then you think I could forgive myself?”

“But, it’s the only way.”

“If you are going to sacrifice yourself, please run away with me,” whispered Ryouichirou in a low tone. “America, Europe, we’ll go anywhere you want to go. Throw away your house, family, everything.”

“…that’s ok?” asked Kunitaka. These conditions were unexpected, and yet, to Kunitaka, the happiest words. “Is that really ok?”

“huh?”

If he could have, he had always wanted to run away with Ryouichirou. He couldn’t do that though, Ryouichirou hated him.

“Letting you get away is a crime. Whether I run away or not, it won’t change the fact I’ll be chased down for it.”

It was cowardice, this way of binding him. By doing this, he was trying to bind Ryouichirou’s heart,

“If I could, I want to run away with you.” Words that flowed out, Kunitaka’s true feelings. “But, don’t you hate me?”

“Master Kunitaka, that-“

“I know you have a lover, and using you this way, I know you’ll hate me even more. However, I can’t hold back anymore.”

Ryouichirou didn’t say anything.

“If you live, we might be able to meet again. But, if you die, I won’t be able to meet you again. Therefore, at least just for now, entrust your life to me.”

He couldn’t even laugh at himself. Kunitaka was so desperate, he had no leeway.

“I’m begging you, Ryou… run, now.”

Truly, he had always wanted to be by Ryouichirou’s side. He himself wanted to be seen by Ryouichirou.

They were all ungranted wishes now, he only wanted to think of Ryouichirou’s life.

“Why…to go this far, for my sake…?”

“I love you.”

Ryouichirou made no move to answer those words which had surged up out of Kunitaka.

“Ryou…I love you. I don’t want to think about you passing from this world. Therefore, I absolutely can’t let you die, even if my life is exchanged for yours.”

Ryouichirou’s blank gaze turned to Kunitaka.

He did not want to cause Ryouichirou to make such a face.

Anguished, his chest ached. He had intended to carry these feelings to the grave, without ever voicing them.

“This is a joke…”

“There’s no way I could joke about something like this!” Kunitaka, unthinkingly raised his voice. “I love you, that’s all…”

Ryouichirou, hearing that, reached out his hand as if to touch Kunitaka, but immediately let it fall, without strength.

“Now, at this point in time, I don’t have any right to touch you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am a filthy, cowardly man,” he told Kunitaka in a bare voice, looking down at Kunitaka. “Far from having the right to be loved by you, I have no right to love you. Even just touching you like this, how much of a grievous sin is that?”

Ryouichirou’s fingers diffidently touched Kunitaka’s cheek, then his dry lips.

“Please forget about me, for your own sake.”

“I won’t!” Kunitaka shook his head. “You hate me, shouldn’t it be fine to use me until the end? To use me as a stepping stone to preserve your own life? Didn’t you start your movement, with that sort of resolution?”

Agitated, Kunitaka’s tone became forceful. He beat at Ryouichirou’s chest over and over, like the times when they had been children and he’d thrown a tantrum.

“I couldn’t…things like that…!”

Ryouichirou suddenly caught his hands, and pressed them to his lips.

“-!”

He bitingly kissed them.

“Do you still not understand?! Why I tried to keep my distance from you?”

Pulled close by Ryouichirou, Kunitaka thought his heart would stop.

“The one person I care more about than anything else…you…I couldn’t treat you in a such a terrible way!”

Kunitaka really didn’t understand what Ryouichirou was saying.

“I’m begging you, please forget about me. Falling in love with you, who was beyond my position…that was impropriety”

Love?

What was he saying now?

“Even though I knew it was wrong, even so, I fell in love with you. Even now, I’m afraid to let go of you…”murmured Ryouichirou in a tormented voice.

“It can’t be…”

He couldn’t believe that. The impossible, thousand to one chance, that Ryouichirou had fallen in love with him.

“If you’re saying that it’s for my sake, then grant my wish. I couldn’t bear it if any harm were to befall you.”

Kunitaka clung to Ryouichirou, and wordlessly sought his lips.

“I love you.”

Even though, up until now, they had kissed many times, he had thought that it been merely the means to desecrate him. To shame Kunitaka.

Even though he had wanted to kiss him, he had been afraid to, he had thought that he would surely be averse, so Kunitaka had been unable to do it.

However, Ryouichirou, far from evading him, passionately responded to that kiss. Their kiss became deeper, seeking out each other’s tongues, entwining together.

This, surely, was a dream.

“I can’t think of a life, in which you are not here. The world without you would mean nothing.” Ryouichirou’s voice, whispering into his ear, was terribly sweet. ”Therefore, please forget about me.”

He couldn’t. There was no way he could do that.

“Then, lets run away…together.”

Ryouichirou didn’t answer.

Demanding Ryouichirou’s lips again, he lost himself in that kiss, so much that it was crazy.

“…this stupid farce, you’re going to this extent?”

The cold, severe voice of a third person suddenly sent a chill through his heart.

“Who’s there?!”

Kunitaka disconcertedly let go of Ryouichirou, and put himself on guard.

“I say- You haven’t forgotten the voice of an old friend have you? How unexpectedly cold, Seikanji.”

Asano’s voice.

Why…was Asano here?

Appearing from the darkness, he wasn’t wearing the uniform of the military police, but a stylish suit appropriate for these streets.

“Really, you have done some drastic things, but even for me you’ve become a real nuisance.”

“Master Asano…” muttered Ryouichirou in a small voice. It didn’t go unnoticed by Kuntaka.

“Thanks for the report. You’ve worked hard.”

Asano pushed Ryouichirou’s shoulder with his left hand, separating the two of them with a casual gesture. Ryouichirou, for a moment, raised his head and glared at Asano, but quickly cast his eyes downward.

“It’s fun to have some travel companions such as yourselves, but I hate to say, this is a miserable one man journey. If you want to go overseas, at least go to Yokohama. I too can’t help but take up someone’s time.”

“My deep apologies for acting on my own,” words of apology spilled from Ryouichirou’s mouth. It was absolutely clear they were meant for Asano.

“What’s going on…?”

Ryouichirou, who always stood up straight with his head held high, now hung his head in shame.

“This man is a dog’s dog. Blinded by foolish passion, he sold out his comrades. A thoroughly despicable man.”

“A dog’s…dog?”

“That’s right, a dog, kept but a dog of the authorities like me.”

No way.

Ryouichirou had been Asano’s pawn.

“I contacted Master Asano on the way here. There’s no way I could let you run away with me.”

“What…how…”

Thinks to him, I ended up having to catch an express train to Kobe first thing in the morning. Isn’t that some bold behaviour from the delicate heir.”

Asano’s voice was full of cynicism, grating in his ears.

“I wasn’t asking about that! Ryou…are you…a spy for Asano?”

“It’s as you say.”

It was as if all the things he had valued came crashing down.

He couldn’t believe it.

On that overnight journey, for sure, Ryouichirou would have had as much  time as he needed. He could have pressed money on another passenger, asking them to phone Asano. He could have also requested it from the conductor. Truly, he was different to the gently raised Kunitaka, but, Ryouichirou had always been a quick thinker.

“Didn’t he say he had several aces up his sleeve? I hate to say it, but I did not have your well to do upbringing. Even though he went to all the effort of releasing me, it’s all too bad.”

At the calm voice, he was horrified to his innermost depths. That his single trump card was Ryouichirou’s existence was unanticipated.

“Why…why a spy?”

“No matter what you say to gloss it over, he’s just an ordinary human being. Over his comrades, over his ideals, he took a love affair.”

He couldn’t understand. His mind refused to understand.

Asano’s mouth twisted cynically, then he put his hand into an inside pocket.

“The beautiful eldest son of the Seikanji family too, is a sinner. A man burning with ideals who looks down on an ordinary dog.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault…?”

”At any rate, Narita, Seikanji gave you that eye. While I’m at it, his life wouldn’t be a loss,” he said to Ryouichirou, and then turned to Kunitaka.

“He, like a dog, chose your life over his. You should praise his loyalty, Seikanji.” Asano’s mouth twisted.

“However, Narita betrayed me twice. There won’t be a third time.”  In Asano’s hand, the thing he drew out of his pocket, was a pistol.

“Master Kunitaka- Please don’t fault Master Kunitaka in all this.”

Ryouichirou’s reply to Asano was gentle and quiet. In the same way, unresisting, he knelt on the ground,

“Wait, Asano. Is this your mission as a military police?”

“If he returns to Tokyo, he will be put to trial and sentenced to death. It’s no different if I kill him now.”

“Why…”

“The leader, Tanaka, confessed last night that Narita was the murderer.”

“That’s a lie!” Kunitaka raised his voice, losing all calm. At this, Asano looked on curiously at his rare display.

“I know that much, but, as of now, dead men don’t talk,” Asano smiled strangely, hinting at Tanaka’s death.

”If that was the case, at this point, it would be excessive, killing Ryouichirou.”

There was absolutely no way he would let Ryouichirou die in this place.

He didn’t know the full story, but Kunitaka was so desperate to somehow extend their time, to try and gain a chance for escape.

“I came here acting on my own. This is merely my private punishment,” Asano declared, lightly prodding Ryouichirou with the toe of his shoe.

His expression was so cold and frozen in place that Kunitaka was horrified.

“Did you come alone?”

If it wasn’t a mission, there was still a chance to escape.

“Of course. There’s no mission where I could kill people as I liked. As far as it goes, he’s the suspect, that is-if it went public, you would be unable to create loans”

“if that’s the case, there would be no need to kill him.”

“I like to betray others, but I hate to be betrayed. I’ll throw his dead body into the sea, and after that I’ll think about what I’ll do to you.”

Asano was serious.

His voice was ominously low, it sent a chill up Kunitaka’s spine.

“Stop it! Don’t you kill this man!.” Yelled Kunitaka, enraged. “If you kill him, I will never forgive you for as long as I live! No matter what you do, I will avenge him.”

“It’s fine. Shoot me. I’m ready,” said Ryouichirou, in a voice of surprising calm, looking up at Asano.

Asano ignored Ryouichirou’s words, and enquired further of Kunitaka, “Do you love him that much?” His voice was terrifyingly gentle. ”Answer me, Seikanji. Do you really love this man that much?”

“Of course! If that weren’t so, who would throw their house away? Abandon their family…!?”

“He didn’t need anything.

Only Ryouichirou’s life, and his own.

“If you kill Ryou, I’ll kill you!”

“Then, your long cherished ambition, Narita. Die in peace, taking your master’s words to the afterlife.”

No!

Not this end! He wouldn’t allow it.

The moment he thought that, Kunitaka moved unbelievably fast.

“Don’t move, Asano.”

Pulling out his concealed pistol, he pointed it steadily at Asano.

“…what a terrifying thing you’re holding there.”

“I said I would kill you, Asano. Ubfortunately for you, it’s not an idle threat.”

Stupid, like a development from a cheap play. He had no confidence that this would save Ryouichirou. However, if he didn’t do it, Asano really would kill Ryouichirou.

“If you kill this man, I will kill you.”

“You can’t just shoot a man, Seikanji. You’re different to me. Besides, just because I came by myself doesn’t mean I haven’t worked out a plan.”

“Shut up!”

The words of Asano, who well knew Kunitaka’s nature, that passionately hated killing, and yet, despite all that, he had not grasped Kunitaka fully.

Asano, surely, didn’t know.

The feelings for Ryouichirou that drove him to madness. Breaking him down, to the edge of reason.

“Try me then!”

“I will.”

Without hesitation, Kunitaka pulled the trigger.

“Master Kunitaka-!”

Ryouihirou’s yell caused his aim to err.

“tsu-“

After the dull thud of explosion, Asano’s gun fell to the ground. Then, clutching his left shoulder, Asano fell to his knees.

“Seikanji, you bastard…!”

He was enveloped in the smell of blood. Kunitaka stood dazed, frozen in place.

He’d shot Asano.

This hand…a person-

“Then, run away” spat out Asano, even though he groaned in pain. ”Like hell there’s a place you’ll be able to live in peace. As long as you live, you’ll be running forever.”

Pressing down on his shoulder, he spewed out his ominous words. In that time, blood overflowed onto the surface of the road.

“Master Kunitaka! You mustn’t!” Ryouichirou shook Kunitaka’s shoulder.

“This way!”

He didn’t know what to do. His mind was swirling. How to move his feet to start with, he didn’t understand.

What brought his thoughts back to reality was, after some time, Ryouichirou pulling his arm and starting to run.

Where they ran, he couldn’t remember, by the time he took notice they were lost in the down town area.

Going into a back alley, Ryouichirou concernedly asked Kunitaka, who leant against a wall raggedly catching his breath, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah.”

This hand had shot a man.

He’d shot Asano.

Even so, he couldn’t go back. Not only him, but Ryouichirou too.

“I’m sorry, Ryou. Even though I intended to let you go, I…”

Kunitaka reached out, and clung to Ryouichirou’s neck. “Please, I’m asking you, run away, just you,ok?”

“But then, you will be left in danger.”

“It’s fine. That is fine. As long as you can escape, I don’t care if I die.”

That is what Kunitaka truly thought.

“I don’t mind if this life ends.” He had nothing to live for. Only futile desperation. Putting his life into trying to rebuild his crumbing house, putting his life into things nobody wished for, in the end he’d accomplished not one thing.

“But, meeting you, was my only grace.”

Ryouichirou heard Kunitaka’s words and lowered his eyes.

“I said it already, I have no right to be loved by or to love you…and yet-“

“Even so, its fine.” Declared Kunitaka in a strong tone. Surprised, Ryouichirou’s eyes widened slightly.

“Master Kunitaka.”

“So…therefore, hold me for just one last time.” Even now, he could only entreat Ryouichirou. If this was to be the end, he desired Ryouichirou. In every corner of his body, he wanted to keep the memories of him.

“You’re a fool.” murmured Ryouichirou in a stifled voice.

“I’m a fool, the same as you…?” After the silence, Ryouichirou gazed at Kunitaka. “I’m the same. Please forget it. If it’s something I can do, I want to memorise the warmth of your body…your skin, the sound of your heart…all of it.” He then laid his lips that had whispered these words onto Kunitaka’s and kissed him over and over.

That act, tingling to the tips of his fingers more than sensuality contained considerable passion, Kunitaka gave himself completely to that kiss.

Even death was fine. If he lost this man, he would die. If this were their last kiss, he didn’t care. Their final farewell, that was also fine.