Kono Tsumibukaki Yoru ni-Chapter 8

Merry Christmas, happy new year! To be honest, my Christmas was utterly boring and unspecial, it’s a regular work day in Japan -_-

I’m going to Hokkaido for two weeks from tomorrow,so last minute chapter posting! I thought I might not get it up in time, there was a lot that needed to be edited/retranslated in this chapter…

Also relevantly Izumi Katsura posted on twitter yesterday(27th Dec)

ところで今日は遼一郎の誕生日です。おめでとう……。これからも彼の苦難は続く……

— 和泉桂 (@izumi_k) December 27, 2015

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“By the way, today is Ryouichirou’s birthday. Happy birthday…From here his hardships continue…..”

I wonder what she means…

Chapter Nine

The following day, the pain in his body hadn’t much lessened, and going to work became all the more a depressing prospect.

It did not take long to get from his home in Azabu to the Army Staff Headquarters in Miyakezaka. It was not so far that he would get the car out, when he could commute by tram.

Really, all he wanted to do miss work, and go straight to Ryouichirou’s room, however with his near perfect attendance record, his colleagues would be suspicious if he suddenly took the day off. Ryouichirou didn’t have a phone, and calling other people in the neighbourhood, and having them hear their conversation, again was dangerous.

“Seikanji”

Steeling his aching body as he walked, Kunitaka was suddenly called to a halt in the corridor, and he stopped in his tracks. The floorboards of the corridor creaked loudly and conspicuously, and deep down, Kunitaka jeered at himself, for feeling afraid at that that sound.

“Saitou, is something up?”

“I have something I wish to talk to you privately about, have you got a moment?” his superior, who boasted a handlebar moustache, whispered surreptitiously. Kunitaka was assailed with a cold feeling that left him frozen on the spot.

Oh no, had the affair with Ryouichirou been leaked?

It wouldn’t be strange for Asano, who had taken Kunitaka and finished up with him, to sell the information to the military police unit. Cowardice and the like, concepts like that didn’t exist to Asano, he simply did as he wished. That man wasn’t anyone’s servant.

“What could it be that you need to tell me?” Kunitaka replied with feigned calm. He was ushered into a meeting room. His heart started to beat so violently fast it was wretched, and Kunitaka succumbed to turmoil.

“You’re not looking great today, is something wrong?” Saitou, his superior, questioning him, smiled faintly, and Kunitaka shook his head.

“I forgot my umbrella when I went out the other day, and caught a cold.”

“Is that so.”

Why had he called Kunitaka into the room just for a chat like this?

Like he could see through Kunitaka’s confusion, Saitou opened his mouth.

“Actually, well…” The meaty hand that pressed down on Kunitaka’s shoulder had quite a bit of strength. The warmth of his damp palm was unpleasant, but he couldn’t gather up the will to brush him off.

“I was thinking, how about a marriage offer?”

“…Huh?” he uttered, in an unthinkingly doltish voice.

“A marriage proposal. Isn’t it about time your settle down? My niece has just finished high school. In terms of parentage she is lower than you, but she has a good nature…”

Somehow or another, what he feared didn’t happen. Asano had not sold out Kunitaka, his old friend, out after all.

“For your consideration, of which I am unworthy, thank you very much.” Kunitaka bowed his head. “However, marriage is still yet beyond my position.”

“Is there someone else your heart has already decided on?”

“No, it’s not that…my house is in difficulties, now, even if I am settled, the person who became my wife would only be burdened with worries. As a man, just as you would expect, I want to avoid that.”

…as a man.

His words were far too full of sophistry, at this, Kunitaka turned to self derision.

As a man, if he had his dignity, would he have let himself be held by another man?

Not just yielding to Ryouichirou’s body, but going as far as allow Asano?

“My niece’s family have been successful in business. It’s forward of me to say, but they will be able to aid your family. More than anything, you are outstanding as an army officer. It’s a shame you’re being buried by your family’s problems.”

Having the topic of money broached, instantly, his heart sank.

“Haven’t you been running around trying to raise money? I’ve heard. Viscount Tateno is an old friend of mine.”

“It’s an embarrassing thing to admit…” Kunitaka hung his head in shame, at having the name of the person he had just gone to the other day to apply for a loan brought up.

“If you are doing that all the time, you can’t put in your best efforts at work, right? I would be very happy if you looked to the future and considered it.”

“Thank you very much.” Kunitaka forced the words out, gave a stiff smile and took his leave of Saitou.

If it were true, even though he needed to make more effort in his professional duties, for the sake of his house, he was becoming desperate. Even his superior had seen right through him.

Kunitaka was tormented by completely conflicting emotions. There was no way Kunitaka could let his generation be the one that brought the long line of his house to its end. However, on the other hand, he was trying to extend a helping hand to Ryouichirou, who tried to disrupt the very order of society itself.

While he understood he couldn’t choose both, he couldn’t throw both away either. He well knew more than anyone the contradiction of the emotions he held.

Was this what it was to yearn for with another person? What it was to fall in love?

Kunitaka wanted to go home quickly. If he didn’t tell Ryouichirou the information he held as soon as possible…

Kunitaka thought he was a fool, he who had lost his cool calm. However on the other hand, no matter what, he had to keep Ryouichirou safe. Kunitaka’s feeling of crisis only intensified.

–

Kunitaka beat loudly on the door with his right hand. When there was no sign of an answer to the sound of his frenzied knocking, Kunitaka had no choice but to call out.

“Ryou”

No answer.

“Ryou! Ryouichirou!”

The door opened slightly, and the face of his childhood friend peered out.

He was being cautious, running his gaze around the immediate area.

“It’s ok, there’s no one watching.”

“…Master Kunitaka.” Ryouichirou’s looked at Kunitaka grimly, his face showing mixed emotions at Kunitaka’s sudden appearance.

“I need to talk to you. Won’t you let me in?”

“At this point in time, I have nothing to say to you. I told you not to to come here.”

“I have something I need to tell you!”

“You understand that we are at cross purposes, the difference between us is too great. If you’re always coming and going from this room as you please, it’s quite likely that you will raise suspicion.”

Us .

It made Kunitaka happy, Ryouichirou grouping them together like that, even if it was to point out the unchanged divide between them.

“Even so I don’t care.”

Kunitaka gazed steadily at Ryouichirou, taken aback, Ryouichirou shook his head.

“…come in.”

At first glance, he realised something was going on in this small room. The kinds of books crammed into the tightly packed bookshelf had decreased. Ryouichirou had started getting his things together

Was he running away to a far away place, far away out of Kunitaka’s reach?

“It’s dangerous here. If you keep coming and going to my room, even you will be doubted for having dangerous thoughts.”

Even if that wasn’t so, yesterday, although nobles, there were those influenced by political movements, who thought ill of the government and police, and there were many.

“I’ll be fine.”

“There aren’t any exceptions. A sudden investigation by the military police, in this place, would be very harsh.” Ryouichirou murmured this with a serious expression, and grabbed Kunitaka’s shoulder. “You are the eldest son of the Seikanji family, an army officer. If it were known that someone like you was associating with an activist like me, it would be a dreadful scandal.”

“Are you worried about me…?”

“Worried?”

He smiled unthinkingly. A terribly cynical, twisted smile.

“To me, the things to worry about are whether this movement succeeds or not. If you come in with your bungling behaviour, here, your life also becomes in danger. That’s all.”

“I am not going to let you die!”

He was absolutely not going to let anyone steal Ryouichirou away from him. There was no way that he would lose him.

“Regardless of what you say, I will not quit the movement.”

“Thinking you can bend thoughts of other people so easily, is that not conceited? I know how stubborn you can be.” Kunitaka smiled faintly. That he could even smile at this time was mysterious. “I just don’t want to lose you.”

The most beloved thing. The most beautiful thing. While Kunitaka knew this, he didn’t know anything else as treasured as Ryouichirou’s existence. Therefore, he had decided to continue to try and protect Ryouichirou.

“That is hypocrisy,” Ryouichirou muttered in a stifled voice.

“I know that. I’m merely a hypocrite. At this point in time, I’m not in the least pretending to be a good person.”

For example he, even if he noticed a socialist in the middle of the street, he wouldn’t dirty his hands by revealing them. From outward appearance, he was a diligent army officer, but the thought of other people dying because of him made him feel sick. Besides, the socialist movement would eventually collapse. Sooner or later, those men would die anyway.

He understood that, and Kunitaka had not blindly pledged his loyalty to the existence of the nation so much that he would be the one to finish them off.

He was tired.

Of his house, his country, the military, the system, of everything.

Among all this, the thing that had first enriched his heart was Ryouichirou’s existence.

“So what’s your business today?”

“The military police know about the assembly on the weekend. You should call off the gathering.”

“…What?” At those words, Ryouichirou’s expression changed.

“you’re meeting with the guys in contact with the Far East committee of the Komintern, right? I asked an acquaintance, he gave me information about the investigations.”

“What a stupid thing to do!” Ryouichirou’s voice held an echo of rebuke.

“What were you thinking doing a thing like that?! A spy…that sort of behaviour…”

Clutching Kunitaka’s shoulder, he glared at him with intense, serious eyes. Kunitaka’s eyes went wide, at being scolded in an unusually rough tone of voice. Ryouichirou’s straightforward nature, after all, wouldn’t forgive the cowardly behaviour of spying and the like.

“You don’t understand anything! I…I…how much I…” vexed, his voice paused.

“It’s fine, if I was getting close to you for that purpose, you should just use me as you please. I’m a young noble who doesn’t know hardship. From your point of view, I’m simply hateful, right?”

Ryouichirou’s mouth twisted strangely, making something like a smile, he looked at Kunitaka.

“Hatred?”

“Anyway, isn’t that so? Running with you, people like you and things like socialism and the labour movement, I can’t come up with another reason for it.”

Towards Kunitaka, rather, he turned his gaze that also could be called empty.

“The thing I hate is…” At that, he stopped midsentence. Then, his line of sight offhandedly hit Kunitaka.

His heart ached, just like he being pierced by a knife. He didn’t understand what meaning Ryouichirou’ gaze had.

“…it’s the system I hate.”

Kunitaka sensed a subtle change in Ryouichirou’s tone of voice. However, it didn’t seem he could probe into it.

“Among your movement, there are guys who will try and take violent means. What do you think of that set?”

“If things can be changed, force is right.”

“You would sacrifice the masses?!”

“Sacrifice is part of change.”

“Stop saying such stupid things! What do you do when you’ve made a country without people that should be protected! Ideals are certainly important, if you run ahead with ideals, then at some point people will stop following. You surely understand that?”

Having just poured out his thoughts, Kunitaka, surprised, clapped his mouth shut. What idiotic things had he just been saying? That sort of thing was a Buddhist sermon. Undoubtedly, Ryouichirou had discussed these things, and worried over them with his comrades. What was it that drove Ryouichirou to go as far as putting his life on the line?

Was it the hatred he had for the capitalists who lived carefree, day after day?

What did Ryouichirou see behind Kunitaka? Privileged class, wealth, nation, the military. Whichever standpoint it was, it was enough cause to be hated.

“Sorry…I said too much. Anyway, tomorrow, please be cautious. Ok?”

“You think I would so easily believe what someone in the army has said?” Ryouichirou muttered with a touch of self derision.

“Ryou…”

“Believing the information brought by an army officer, instead I might be captured when I’m at home. Did you think I’d be so naive as to swallow your words?”

A shock like his heart was being hollowed out.

Ryouichirou didn’t believe him. Even to have thoughts like that, the information he had gained, Ryouichirou had doubted from the beginning.

Why, he wanted to say, but the words only got as far as thought before Kunitaka held them back.

It was natural Ryouichirou wouldn’t believe him. The time that separated the two of them had been long.

Thinking so, Kunitaka tried to let the stirred up emotions in his heart pass.

Mostly he, up until days they had met again, also didn’t know what kind of suffering Ryouichirou had tasted. Of his hypocritical behaviour, Kunitaka could only be ashamed.

Kunitaka, who as someone on the capitalist side, and as an army officer was implicated as being on the side of the system, despite how he brought the information like this, he couldn’t go as far as throwing away everything and collaborating with Ryouichirou. He wasn’t ready to go that far.

“That, I don’t know.” Kunitaka said with difficulty.

“If that’s the case, I will go to the venue instead. If I’m exposed its fine right?”

Then, if Ryouichirou would believe him.

“Please stop!” yelled Ryouichirou. “You…you don’t understand anything! It was the same back then.”

“…”

“Why can’t you value yourself? Throwing yourself away for the sake of others, and your house is useless.”

His shoulder was clutched tightly, he had the feeling of Ryouichirou’s fingers biting into him.

“Ryou…”

“You are an idiot.” He pulled Kunitaka’s arm, and with all his strength, Ryouichirou held him tightly against his broad chest. As much as the binding arms hurt, it was sweet, and then bitter.

Even though he had tasted the warmth of Ryouichirou’s body so much that he should have had enough by now, when he fell into the embrace of the man he loved like this, his heart ached so much that that it felt it would break.

“Then, what should I do…” murmured Kunitaka, digging his fingers into Ryouichirou’s back. “I only have one wish. For that sake, I would do anything.”

Become a spy, become a whore and a dog.

If these things would save Ryouichirou.

“If running my body under would satisfy you, then I don’t mind. I can give you my body as often as you want. If then…you…” Asano had declared a person could not save another person, but Kunitaka still believed it was possible.

If the ideals that Ryouichirou held couldn’t be driven away, if he was powerless to change them, then he had to ensure a plan to save Ryouichirou. Ryouichirou wouldn’t wish these actions, but that was Kunitaka’s flawed self satisfaction. The manifestation of such egoism was ugly.

However, if he didn’t do these things, he might lose Ryouichirou forever.

That was the one thing he couldn’t do.

This man, probably…he truly loved him.

Ryouichirou was the only thing remaining to Kunitaka. Only him.

Even though it wasn’t that his feelings of love could embrace reason, he thought it was sheer idiocy that he seemed to misunderstand himself.

“How did you get this information?”

Asked in a voice more severe than he thought possible, Kunitaka shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter.” Afraid Ryouichirou would see through him, he looked down, and Ryouichirou gave him a sharp look.

“With your body?” spitting the words out, he muttered, and buried his face in Kunitaka’s neck. Vividly feeling his hot breath over his skin, Kunitaka instantly started trembling.

His lack of reply was proof of the affirmative.

Ryouichirou murmured something, but his voice was muffled, and Kunitaka could make out any clear words.

“…Do you want to make a promise?” Eventually Ryouichirou lifted his face, and looked into Kunitaka’s eyes. He, who had no words to describe the light in Ryouichirou’s eyes, was pathetic.

“If it’s something I can do…”

“In that case, I have one condition.”

At Ryouichirou’s cold, hard voice, a shiver ran from the core of Kunitaka’s body.

“Shall you tell me what you can present to me.”

His voice, somehow oozed with self-derision, and Kunitaka could only agree to what he said.

Making a promise with Ryouichirou was meaningless. He would certainly betray Kunitaka again. However, Kunitaka could only cling to his words.

Kunitaka reached out his hand, and set his fingers to the buttons of Ryouichirou’s shirt.

–

Kunitaka, who had fallen into a light sleep, awoke at hearing people moving around.

“Takahashi, I said not to come here until I clear out.”

“This has gotten bad!” The voice wasn’t Ryouichirou’s.

“How?”

Kunitaka could hear their hushed voices coming from the entranceway. He quietly got up.

“Ootani is dead.”

Silence.

“Is this true?” Ryouichirou’s voice, Kunitaka could hear, was nervous enough to be noticeable.

“He had marks from being strangled. When I found him at the Tamagawa water supply, he was still breathing, but he died at the hospital.”

“The culprit?”

“I still don’t know. Our movement was finally getting on the right track, this isn’t a joke!”

“This is bad.”

“Tanaka and the others are quite shaken, come now! There’s no point if you’re not there.” The man called Takahashi was quite agitated.

“No, someone’s here.”

“A woman? What the, at a time like this?!”

“Cut it out, it’s nothing like that.”

“I’m worried. You’ve been weird lately.”

Kunitaka was startled, at the murmuring voices.

“I’m the same as normal.”

“But, I overheard something. That you… were a servant in a noble’s house.”

“That has no relation to now.”

“That’s true, but I still don’t understand! What do we do?! Without him…”

“It can’t be helped, I know how shaken you are. Ootani was the one taking care of the money.”

At Ryouichirou’s calm manner of speaking, the other man gradually collected himself.

“Anyhow, we’ll get together at the usual place tomorrow. I’m relying on you, Narita.”

“Got it.” Ryouichirou breathed a sigh, but he understood.

It was natural, that even though their movement was political, that it needed money. Publishing books and magazines was one means, but these times were such that they were immediately issued with a notification of a publishing ban.

Even just with that they were insecure, they also needed fundraising campaigns from their supporters. Had Ryouichirou’s aim in getting close to Kunitaka been to obtain money for their activities.

However, in their current condition, the Seikanji family’s financial affairs had long been at their limit, they had no resource to spare.

Before long, Ryouichirou came back in. He, who sank down beside Kunitaka, stayed in place for a long time, and yet did not say a word. Kunitaka feigned sleep, and, pretending not to see, endured the choking silence.

“…Master Kunitaka” His whispered voice called Kunitaka’s name.

Kunitaka, who knew that he wasn’t asking for a response, tried to ignore his voice.

“Master Kunitaka…” At his tormented sounding voice, why did Kunitaka’s chest begin to hurt.

Why, until here, had their two paths been so different?

Would their paths once separated, not cross again?

Kunitaka could not help becoming an military officer. He protected the house in place of his dissipated father, his role as the eldest son. Neither of them had been able to plumb the depths of the rift between them. That was the extent the paths ahead of them had diverged.

–

The days passed uselessly by, and he nowhere near has been able to sort our means of raising money.

“Ah, I’m tired…” Kunitaka quietly muttered, having come back from going out.

“I’ll call Master Kazutaka now.”

“Thank you,”

He requested that Naitou call Kazutaka, and with coffee in one hand, sank into the sofa.

In this economic recession, speaking of the Seikanji properties, was a large mansion. His father was incapable of managing a business, and their house continued to decline.

However by persistently going around friends and acquaintances, someone who would employ Kazutaka as a secretary had come forth. Kazutaka was smart, but so far he aimlessly played around, his behaviour was bad, so Kunitaka had been grateful that someone had taken Kazutaka on.

“You called, elder brother?” he had been indulging in indolence , Kazutaka was in a foul humoured state.

“Sit down over there.”

Advised to sit, Kazutaka expression was made to run with contrariness, but reluctantly, he sat.

When Kazutaka lowered his eyes, the shadow of those eyelashes fell over his cheeks.

“Do you have some business?”

“It’s about you getting a job.”

Having the subject bluntly raised, looking displeased, Kazutaka raised his head.

“Finding a job?”

“That’s right. If you are aware of the current state of our house, there’s no way you can keep playing around like you are.”

“I don’t really care what happens to our house.”

“And if our family comes to nothing, what will you do then?” Kunitaka made his point in the harshest tone he could muster, supposing the worst case scenario. “You have no like skills, you’d struggle. How about you cut it out and shift your attention to something else.”

“If that happens, becoming a male concubine is an amusing life. Luckily, it seems I have a talent for that.”

His pleasure seeking younger brother, in the end, didn’t understand anything of Kunitaka’s struggles. For the sake of protecting their empty house, how much had Kunitaka lost?

Even the bond with his childhood friend had been severed, and that friend now hated Kunitaka as if he were a serpent. And yet, even so, Kunitaka could not resign himself to the destruction this house, which had continued unbroken until now.

Despite the fact Ryouichirou had said to throw it all away, he still felt lingering ties. He could not help but laugh at such foolishness.

“I can’t live an exemplary life like you, Elder brother. The reliable, always helpful eldest son, splendidly growing as a military officer, even being given your sabre at your graduation from the Military Staff College. Your irreproachable way of living is impossible for me.”

“Then you should follow the reliable eldest son’s opinion. I’ve found a position for you.”

“Wha-“

In the moment Kazutaka showed his anger, his white, beautiful face ran red.

“You’ll be a secretary for a member of the Diet, Kijima Atsuhiro. You’re acquainted with Mr Kijima aren’t you?”

“……”

“I say secretary, however it’s a token gesture. I wish you’d think about taking care of the home. I’ve told Naitou the contact address, go and ask about the particulars yourself.”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I am.”

He wouldn’t joke about this sort of discussion. For this, Kunitaka had bowed his head and gotten an introduction. An old friend of his father’s, Kijima was well off, and had happily taken on the almost useless Kazutaka.

“Well then, haven’t you been coming home late recently?”

“…ah, yes.”

He had a feeling that Kazutaka saw straight through his instant evasion of the question, and became embarrassed.

It wasn’t just that.

He had sold his body to Asano, in exchange for obtaining military police intelligence.

For example the plans of investigation, such a raid on a study meeting, the particulars were important information.

There were whispers, with seeming truth, that this summer, behind closed doors the Japanese Socialist Party had been formed, it may have been that the authorities eyes were turned that way. Be that as it may, the disturbances of skirmishes arising between activists and the authorities had increased, enlivening the daily newspapers. The grace of that was, the organisation of Ryouichirou and his associates was, at the moment, eluding exposure.

“I see. As devoted as always.”

Kunitaka was concerned whether Kazutaka knew something, from his tone of voice, which seemed to hint at something, but Kunitaka now did not have the courage to ask further.

“Understood. Let’s save face for Elder brother, once in awhile,” Kazutaka spat, and stood up from his seat. “I will go and discuss it with him tomorrow, that’s fine right.”

“Yeah. Don’t be rude to Kijima.”

“I can’t promise that much.”

Looking away from Kazutaka’s thin back, as he he left the room, Kunitaka sighed. He couldn’t find it funny, Kazutaka calm comments about becoming a male concubine. No, but Kazutaka had not betrayed anyone, he might be the honest one.

For Ryouichirou’s sake, under his personal righteous cause, he was betraying his workplace colleagues, his country.

If his spy like behaviour for Ryouichirou’s sake were exposed under bright sunlight, Kunitaka’s, of course, but also Asano’s position would become precarious. Even the house which he worked to protect may become unable to keep itself going.

However, there was no time.

Ryouichirou was bit by bit preparing to clear out of his lodging, and Kunitaka was terribly agitated by it. If he had not gained Ryouichirou’s trust before then, he would disappear from before Kunitaka forever. Kunitaka had become as desperate to protect Ryouichirou as he had been in trying to preserve his house. No, even more so that, he’d become willing to risk his life to protect Ryouichirou.

Translation Notes

Truly loved him…I’m sure most people who read manga/Japanese works regularly are aware of the difference of meaning between ‘suki’ and ‘ai suru’ but I thought I’d clarify, since otherwise it might seem a little strange given that I’ve translated several chapters worth of Kunitaka stating that he ‘loves’ Ryouichirou.

Up until now, Japanese has been either ‘suki’ or ‘koi suru’. In the way that they have been used, ‘love’ is the most appropriate English equivalent. Here he says ‘aishiteru’ which is much more profound. Kunitaka’s having a realisation here, so I’ve gone with truly loved, to try and distinguish the difference here compared to previous usages of love.

Mr Kijima-the honorific used here was –shi. –shi suffix is a polite suffix, I don’t think you use it when talking to the person directly. To be honest I’m not sure, but I’ve used Mr to distinguish it from –san –sama (when –san has been used I’ve just dropped the honorific, -sama has been generally translated as master). The only time I’ve seen it in use is on the news talking about politicians. After than Kunitaka then refers to him as Kijima-sensei.